Why We’re Designed To Fall Out Of Love

In every relationship there’s a difference between the initial “in love / honeymoon” phase, and actual “true” love.

The rush of endorphins that we know as the “in love” experience is an ancient biological trigger passed down from our hunter-gatherer ancestors.

If you consider the lives our ancestors lived, on the move, cave-hopping and constantly fighting for survival, it’s easy to understand that they did not have the time (or likely the mental/emotional capacity) to worry about romance.

Male / female relationships were ultimately for one purpose – procreation and survival of the species.

So, how do the origins of “in love” originate here?

Consider this: when you fall in love with someone it produces an overwhelming feeling of attachment.

You can’t stand to be away – you’re drawn to each other.

You see, cavemen had one mission in their sexual encounters – produce as many babies as they can, to ensure survival of their clan, and to keep the baby alive (which can be challenging with uncertain food sources and saber toothed predators).

The idea of monogamy and 1-partner lifetimes was not the human thing to do back then.

So, in order to entice the man to stick around and help out with the baby, biology gave him (and her) a big WHACK of brain chemicals, like dopamine and norepinephrine, that produced the temporary bond and attachment, which is what today we call feeling “in love”.

And the release of these hormones lasts anywhere from 6 months to 3 years.

The reason is that this is the time it takes to ensure a baby lives to a viable age.

Then, the brain chemicals begin to fade and as they do, the caveman no longer feels drawn to stay and so goes off and impregnates another woman.

Survival of the species.

Essentially, we’re biologically designed to fall out of “love” after just a few years.

Although times have definitely changed since then, for many people, the lingering instincts are still too powerful to get past.

So that’s how the “in love / honeymoon” phase works, and that’s why in almost every relationship, after the first few years things start to get harder.

This is where the real work begins.

Where the potential for “true” love starts.

What is “true” love?

Keep an eye out for my next post and I’ll share my thoughts with you…

Until then, if you have any thoughts, feelings or questions you’d like answered about the Relationship Coaching I help individuals and couples rekindle their love with, or any of the insights I’ve shared with you, send me a message.

Talk soon,

Melissa